Another stupid night...

It would have been nice for you to see the house, just as it was. The way things were randomly placed all over but how they were arranged. It would have been fun if you could have played the piano and rang the bells, tripped on the out of place rugs, smelled the cool, damp storage room and seen how you can hide in the window box. The phone had its own place in the wall and I knew where the Christmas presents were hidden.

I have gained much more than you will ever know because I have to close my eyes and feel things to remember them. I can't hold them, wear them or smell them. I can try to tell you about it someday.

Part of why I need you is I need a captive audience. This is, again, another reason why you will hate me.

I will save something for you to smell someday and you will understand. You will see why I am in tears and miserable, but so satisfied at the same time.

I love you. All of you.