Wow

I'm doing this so early on a Saturday morning. I am awake after a billion bad dreams and they were so realistic that I would wake up to remind myself it was not going in to work today.

I seriously think dreaming about being at work makes me anxious and crazy. It was horrible because I felt like I was so behind. Which I have been because I have missed a week of work. I think that over the last few days I have been realizing a lot about how inefficient that group is. There is not a single person who can do some of the things I do there. That does not in any way mean I'm proud of that. In fact, it is the shortcoming of this place- if I'm not there to do my job I have no backup. Nobody can help so I come back to piles of work to do. It is insane. I work and work and work for nothing there. My projects don't move forward. Nobody keeps me in the loop so I am constantly trying to keep up with a billion "I need it now" deadlines. I found out that most of the problems I have had health-wise in the past year have been from stress and I don't know if that will ever change as long as I'm in this department.

I hope and pray that in the next few months a position opens up where I can do "trained monkey" work again and move on with my life outside of work. I want to garden, paint and have kids. I want to do things with the women in my neighborhood and not be racing home to do it. As for the daycare, I want this job just as much to make friends as anything else.

This will be hard to accomplish, but I hope it is accomplishable. I hope that it won't be a dream- I hope that living through all these nightmares means I can find a way to get things done in a less stressful manner.